Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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