So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just google imaged poop.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
