i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
