I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
