apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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