Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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