I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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