i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
