i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
