Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
