I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
