3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
