I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize