That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
