If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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