He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is Oprah even human
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
