Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
