I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
