I faked an abortion last night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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