we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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