Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
