i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
