Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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