All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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