i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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