my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
