There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
