I'm laying in your front yard are you home
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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