I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my shit smells like andre
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
