Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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