ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
