Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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