When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize