Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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