After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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