I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
