Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
