im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
