I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
