just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
