Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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