I should be sponsored by Trojan
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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