i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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