It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize