Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
