Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
