My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
