He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
