Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
