whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
