i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A bitchslap is in order.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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