I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
