Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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