He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
