you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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