you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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