I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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