ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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