I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
