I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
