Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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