God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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