As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
