he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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