I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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