They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
