Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize