I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
