Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize