she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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