my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
