Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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