apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
