who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
